I’ve been here,
I’ve been around,
I’ve been poor,
I’ve been crowned,
I’ve been alone,
I’ve been the crowd,
I’ve seen life,
I’ve been the shroud,
I’ve missed the moon,
I’ve seen the star,
I’ve not been close,
I’ve never been far,
I’ve never been drunk,
I’ve run the bar,
I’ve seen monks,
I’ve fought in the war,
I’ve moved on,
I’ve been pulled back,
I’ve can’t walk,
I’ve sprinted the track,
I’ve been white,
I’ve been black,
I’ve been grey,
But never to wisecrack.
And after all this while,
After all, I’ve been,
After all that I could be,
All that to be seen,
Can I just back out,
Can I just distant myself?
And still, bloom like silene?
Can I forget her,
Without the need to say?
Can I look away,
Never seeing another day?
Can I throw it away,
Like ash in a tray?
Can I just get up,
And walk away?
Slit, bleed, cease.
Maybe that’s lingering around in your head from months now.
It even took over you, or your past failures pushed you to it; but you are here, reading. Because maybe, you failed at it too. Another failure to add on to your list.
But for a second, think if you succeeded at everything you did. Would you ever try something new? Try a new way? Would you make an effort to do anything? And now think if you succeeded at it too. Would you ever get to try again?
So, maybe, just maybe, failures aren’t that bad after all, and failing at a few things is far better than succeeding at them. You might not see it like that, but everyone around you does, believe me, for I’m one of them.
Do you know why you failed? I made it happen. Do you know why you tried? I made it happen. And do you know why everything went wrong? Because I made it happen. Why everything is right now? I made it happen.
The fire at your restaurant, the buzzing crowd, the car crash, the new car, the exam result, the break up, the wedding, the suicide, the newborn, the long medical bill, the loan, the debt, the law, the success, and everything and anything that led you to being here, right now, it was all me.
No one can be happy at all times, no one can frown at all time. No one can have a constant, no one cannot know what it is like to have everything, or lose it all in one go. You can be at the top of your world, you can be at the apex of the highest mountain, but cannot trust the snow beneath, and you cannot trust the skies above.
I’m not a friend, I’m not your enemy, I’m not a deity you worship, nor am I a demon that could be killed. I don’t flow like the wind, I am not steady like the earth, I don’t need a vessel like water, nor do I breathe free like fire, I’m not cold, I’m not warm. I am a power. I am Fate.
Maybe it’s just me, or it has always been around and I just noticed it recently, but a lot of people around me are giving up on things the shouldn’t. A lot of people around me are not sure about what they are doing. It might just be the age and the phase that we are in but it is all around me.
Sometimes, packing up your bags, leaving home, and running away from everything sounds perfect. Just get out of wherever you are and hide in a cave far away from everything there is, was or will be. But thinking about it, probably staying alone was what made pushed you there, and talking to someone might just help. It will break your thought tunnel and lead you to a new world of open windows.
You can talk to me too! I’m not saying I know everything and I will help you out, because I don’t and I can’t, but I would hear you out. I would give you a hand out of the pit or maybe we could stay in the pit together, at least it won’t be dark, lonely, or frightening anymore. And someday, we’ll figure a way out.
Around you, about you? The place, the streets, even the birds sound different. It’s new, it’s happier, you’ve left your old life behind. It was a profound change. I mean, even if it were just cities and clothes and, uh, names? It was still for the better, at least that’s what you told me before you waved goodbye.
I knew life here was hard on you, your college was tough, your friends weren’t actually your friends, your boyfriend wasn’t treating your right, hot chocolates no longer treated you and it just got worse. I didn’t give you much time either, I mean I did call you and texted you every single day, but you never… I’m sorry not my point, I know, it’s on me!
I would have loved to see you smile again, I know I cannot see you anymore, or you don’t want me to, but hey, smile! Or just change your profile picture, I check your profile every day. No, I’m not stalking you, I just want to know where you went off to, and who are your new friends, I hope they are better than what you had here.
You’ll be the new girl in the school again, so I was just concerned if you found a partner for your project already or not. Because if you haven’t I could be, I mean, I cannot change the school and the cities, but I can help. I wish I could help you.
I was just going paranoid recently, so I just wrote you this. I don’t know if you will ever find it. Don’t worry about me, I’m always paranoid, you know that. It was just that I haven’t heard from you in a while, and you were last online over a year ago, at least that’s what the text near your name tells me, have you changed your number? And you even deleted one of your social media profiles, so.
But hey! Whenever you upload a new picture, remember to smile!
After being in the dark for 3 years, he lowered the note and kept it by her grave.
I never said I love you, I never said I like you as much. I was just saying how things could have been different if I did, and you did too. It was just a story, where I talked and you heard, I was a fiction that sounded real, and maybe you fell in love with the surreal.
I never said I want to be with you, I never meant that I want to hug you. I just said it would have been like Stardust, if and when we hugged. When I would have wrapped my arms around you, when I could be your pillow to cry on, and I would be your arms to laugh in, and I would see you smile in my chest, and you would have complained about my hug being too tight. And Stardust isn’t real, just like our hug, it is only in the stories.
I never said I’m falling for you, I never meant to compliment your eyes so. I just said that if and when I would have looked into them after a long tiring day, they would have brightened up my soul, it would have been the most amazing sight in the world that I would return to see every single night. And I would have treasured it, every time I looked into them, and when they shone like gems against sunlight. I never looked into them, for they were closed when I spoke, and it was just a story.
I never said I wanted to place a ring on your fingers, I just said it would be amazing. I would have taken you to your office every day of the week, and we would go to movies and shopping every single weekend. We would have long drives, sit by the beach, the sea, the mountains, the hay, the farms, the grasslands, the barns, the flowerbeds, the cities, the rooftops, and… and… adore the view, while we soak in each other, making memories and capturing laughs. I said it would have been amazing like it is in the stories.
I never said you were my protagonist, I never said she looks like you. I just said that her hair are hazel brown, just like her eyes, I don’t know what color to call it, but they do look like yours. I just said she’s shorter than me, and she loves to wear white shirts and blue jeans, you just happened to wear the same while you stood next to me. I just said she loves chocolates and carries them around in the basket of her bike, like you carry some for me when you come to meet me. You were never my protagonist because you are real and she isn’t, just like the fiction tale.
I never said I love you, I never said I like you as much, I just said if things would have been different, if we weren’t far apart, even as we stood abreast, if I wrote the story, I would have said it.
Stand by a cliff, look down, jump.
A new life, a new beginning, a new start. Or maybe, just walk away from the cliff, and pretend that your old life jumped off. The old you died today, it is time to let go of the grudges, it is time to let the pain settle, it is time to make friends, again.
The only thing that remains is the experience, skill, and degrees. Nothing else. It is time to let go of the battles and quarrels of the past and hug the person again. It is time to let go of the failures and see the goal again. It is time to run the road.
It might not be as easy as it sounds and it might not be the best thing you’ve decided to do all along, but it might be the best for you right now. Sometimes, more than the reason behind doing something isn’t as important as the purpose.
And now that you are running again, this time, remember, money isn’t everything. Success is not earning billions and hating your life so much that it takes you to the cliff, it is about being able to pay the bills and doing what you love to do. Earning less is fine, loving less isn’t.
Don’t torture yourself, instead, love you.
Tum ho toh
Khawishein bhi hai,
Kaash tum na ho
Toh khwab nahi hai,
Tum ho toh
Chahtein bhi hai,
Kaash tum na ho
Toh icchaien nahi hai,
Tum ho toh
Pyaar bhi hai,
Izhaar bhi hai,
Kaash tum na ho.
Tum ho toh,
Toh haan bhi hai,
Inkaar bhi hai,
Kaash tum na ho,
Mere ishq ka deedar,
Mere alfaaz ki pookar,
Meri haan ka inkaar,
Meri ruh ki chavi ,
Meri kavita ki kavi,
Me Satlej toh Ravi,
Mere likhne ki wajah,
Mere jeene ki chah ho tum,
Mere rukne ki wajah,
Mere bhadne ki rah ho tum,
Meri burai ki wajah,
Meri “wah” ho tum,
Kaash tum na ho,
Kyunki meri chah ho tum
Najane kyun tujhse joodah hun mein,
Najane kyun tujhse joohdha hun mein,
Kyun aaj bhi me tujhe chahta hun,
Kyun aaj bhi tujhe dekh na pata hun,
Kaise nahi dikhta tujhe tera yaar,
Kaise nahi hua tujhe mujhse pyaar.
Kaise nahi sunai di tujhe meri pookar,
Kaise sab yun chali gai tu?
Kaise sab ek pal me bhoolah gai tu?
Tum ho toh
Umeedien bhi hai,
Kaash tum nahi ho
Toh wajah hi na ho,
Tum ho toh,
Naajane kyun dil darta hai,
Kaash tum na ho,
Toh Wajood na ho.
It might be time to settle things with your past. I’m not sure how or what you’re supposed to do and how do you go about it, I just know it has been too long that you have been back and forth, I think it is time to settle it down.
It is time to let go and begin a new. It is time to let yourself relax and be at peace with the constant battles you’ve been having from the past few days or years.
The emotional outbursts, driving each other away, ignoring their presence, and everything else needs to stop.
It is time you make peace with the foes you never wanted to make, it is time to make peace with the friends you always wanted.
At times, all of us have been just to logy about the things we need to do. We delay it to the next day, and then to the next, and then to the day after it.
We have been logy about the our responsibilities and just keep on procrastinating them. We blame it on a long day to make us sluggish. We blame it on everything else but on ourselves.
Like I have been with this blog. Ending it here, on the 100 word mark. I’m not logy, I am just tired from the long day.
I had my submissions, exams and traveled for about 2 hours, okay? Better blog tomorrow.
No I’m not Logy!
What are you living for if there is nothing to fight?
What is life if not a constant challenge? Giving you something to try one after the other. Something gets fixed and something else turns up and you are constantly trying to cope up with the things around you.
What would be life if you had nothing to do? Watching a new TV series, reading a new book, lingering around, talking to someone over the phone, texting someone, going to meet someone, going out with your friends are challenges as well. I’m talking about a spot where life gives you nothing to do?
If you don’t consider these as challenges, then try doing it daily for a month, you will get bored with that too. You need the challenge to stick to something.
Do you just stay on your bed? Maybe that is a challenge too. So, maybe do nothing, like absolutely nothing? You don’t even move.
What is life is not these challenges that we face daily? Ever completed all your work before the deadline with an aching back and a throbbing head and then reclined on the chair, before you fall into the arms of your bed? No?
Then maybe you don’t know the pleasure of challenges and the love of having them.
You have a dream to follow and no one except you is ready to follow it. You are on your own run and everyone around you is stopping you from running the mile.
Your parents don’t want you to follow that and instead want you to follow a safer choice, your partner doesn’t want you to follow it and stay safe at home with them, your siblings say that it is a bad idea, but you are adamant about your dream.
You need to leave the city, you need to leave your people behind, you need to leave your city behind and everything else that you know and you need to fly away from everything.
You are on the railway station and the train halts right in front of you, the train to your dreams is here and all you have to do is get up from that bench, wake yourself up and walk to the train and it will take you to the world of your dreams.
But right before you leave, your life flashes in front of you, your parents that don’t want you to go, your partner, your siblings and everyone else that you are going to leave behind. You are stuck in your feet and you cannot move a single inch.
All you need to do right at that moment is build up the courage and make your feet obey you and lift them one by one and walk into the train. But instead, you are just standing there.
You listen to a loud hiss, a wave of murmuring sounds and rushing, and then you hear everything fade away until there’s silence. Everything in front of you is fading away. The train has started moving and is gaining speed every second.
You can see your dreams go, but you cannot move your legs.
What are you going to regret? The chance that you never took, and thinking about the “what if”s for the rest of your life? Or taking that chance and never seeing your loved once again, or failing at it and realizing how wrong you were all along?
What are you going to regret? Following a path that people made for you? Or the misery you’ll inflict on everyone when you follow your path?