I haven’t met you in a while, I haven’t heard from you in a while, I haven’t had a glimpse of you in a while, and right now I’m just afraid that you have ceased to exist.

I don’t have a way to contact you and I just wish it was as simple as just picking up the phone and talking to you like it used to be. Just picking up the phone listen to you through the night and you keeping me up until 4 just because you are afraid of the under-bed monsters.

Those dark circles, that wry smile, and the tears, I wish they have gone by now and if you are not doing great, I just wish you are okay with where you are right now.

I’m not okay with not meeting you, I’m not okay with not being close to you like we used to be, and I’m not okay if you don’t come to meet me, just to cry, maybe? But besides that, I’m doing great I’m the best that I’ve been in years and guess what? Well, I’ll tell you when I finally meet you.

Just get in touch okay? Text, comment, DM, call, whatever you do, I’m okay with it, just let me know that you are okay.

Stabbed to death.

A few years back, I thought of running, and I knew where I was going and I was about to start running but I realized I did not know how to run. So, I walked back in learned how to run and then I took a few steps and was exhausted, what? So, I walked back in, I knew it was a long run, and studied about I need the stamina to run, so I need to build that first.

It has been a few hours since, I’ve been trying to build up my stamina and now that I walked back out, I saw my goal only further away. I won’t make it with what stamina I have, I know. I didn’t try, but I just know. The real missions are anyways always tougher than the sandbox, now aren’t they?

So I walked back in, built a little more stamina and then saw my goal again, it was further away. So, I just know I won’t make it, so was there even a point in trying? No right? So, I just walked back in and practiced a little more and this continued endlessly.

Tired, frustrate, irritated, hopeless, I walked back in. It was evening anyway, I cannot run now. I knew I was not going to make it to my goal, so I called my dream from under the bed, that I had in the morning. Walked into the kitchen with it and STABBED it.

Once.

Twice.

Thrice

Until I lost the count.

I stabbed and stabbed it until I saw no movements, no resistance, no breaths. It was dead. What’s the point of keeping liars around anyway?

Pointless?

Isn’t this something we do with our lives? We have dreams and goals and ambitions, you want to start a company, you want to be a pilot, a blogger, a novelist maybe? But you just know that you cannot run a company or you cannot pen down a few thousand words.

Did you even try? Try writing the first chapter, the first page or just the first paragraph. Write it down. Just get your startup idea penned down, at least move the bricks around if you can’t make an igloo.

We dream and we go and sit back where we were. We read about things we want to do, learn from people around us , and then we take a step towards it and see, oh there are too many startups now, there are many websites now I won’t make it. There are too many words I don’t know the meaning too.

Then when you finally have prepared again, and now you think you could make a run next time, you are too old. You are already in your late 40s and you have responsibilities, you cannot leave your job or do double shifts. So, you’ll do it a few years later when you don’t have responsibilities anymore.

Well, just murder the thought already. That thought lies! Doesn’t deserve to live anyway.

No one is going to come to your funeral and say,

“This man, he had a great couch!”

Seriously, no one is going to come and do that. All they are going to say is the how good a person you were. The better you were the longer their speeches would be. And you are not worth the effort, all they are going to say is, “There isn’t much to say, everyone knows the person he was.”

Not everyone in your friend list is going to come to your funeral. You don’t have a lot of friends, you know a lot of people. People who need you and you need them to exist sanely in this insane world. Believing you have a million followers and you have turned your life around, then just think, with how many of them can you speak your heart out? None, I believe.

And the people that count, people that are going to speak at your funeral, let’s try to make their speeches longer and let them talk their hearts out, one last time, and let them say things that they couldn’t when you were there. Fighting with the people around you, loud yelling, shouting over petty things, backfiring, unfinished arguments, are somethings that you don’t want to leave behind.

Answering back every time is not always right, sometimes not responding is the best response. Life is about the memories you make and about the people you’ve sat with overnight and talked about your deepest fears with.

Your life is not the things you collected over the years, nor it is the people you’ve met once and never seen their faces again.

So don’t make your life about it.

Stone Sculptures.

Statues, deities, Gods and Goddesses, art, museum, legends, kings, knights, rulers, saints, VIPs, you, me.

You? Me?

Yes.

The world lives in a Fastlane, there is no stopping, there is no slowing down, there are no breaks and there are no exits on the Fastlane. Everyone is just running as fast as they could trying to reach somewhere before the day runs out, before the gas in the car runs out.

And in the run we have made ourselves so overwhelmed with work and have made it a habit to turn a deaf ear to someone who needs help, to someone who is calling for you, to someone who wants you to slow down or is slowing you down, or to someone who wants you to exit the Fastlane.

We have been so involved in running and making ourselves sturdy for the run, that even though we have no awards, there are no stone sculptures of you and me, we are the stone sculptures, you, me. So, it does seem to fit in the list now, doesn’t it?

We are heartbroken, we are depressed, we fake smiles, and still stay strong like the stone sculptures we are. And we have all been running the rat race on the Fastlane for years now, and none of us have actually ever won. Not first, not second, not third, we are just running. What’s your position? I’m in the race, somewhere, somewhere in the middle.

And what are we running for when there doesn’t seem to be a finish line? When no one is winning, everyone is just somewhere in the middle? A few steps ahead today and a few back tomorrow. Why do we in the run every single day, like a prisoner set free and still seem to be imprisoned by the run?

What are we running for? Freedom or bondage? Are we running to make a day or are we running from the day? Why are we confused even though the paths seem to be clear to each one of us?

What do we really want? What does the stone really seek? Freedom from everything and running wide into the openness of the universe. Or having someone to take care of you, someone you can rely on, someone you can come back to at the end of the day.

Nothing like Freedom,
Nothing like running back into your Lover’s Arms.

The stone fears answers, because the stone doesn’t know why does it even run, and the day it comes to know, the run would lose it’s worth and so would the stone’s life.

We don’t always keep moving ahead, we don’t always have everything planned months and years ahead. Sometime, somewhere, you are going to get stuck.

The problem, however, huge it might seem at the moment, it could have a really small solution or it could be something so big that you are going to be second-guessing yourself.

It might something as little as changing the color of your advertisement banner that drives in more people to your restaurant or it might be as big as showing the door to your chief chef or changing your decade-old cheese supplier, probably only to find a better one. For change does not always cause a problem, at least never as much as we think it would, for most of the part, it is for the better.

But knowing what to change, or rather just knowing that you need to change is not quite evident and knowing someone who would tell you exactly what you need to do is nothing less than a miracle.

But what would you do when you don’t know what you are supposed to do and don’t know where you are headed next.

Well sometimes, when you need advice, talk to yourself. For sometimes, the best advice you get, is from yourself.

Only you are responsible for what happens in your life. So, you could be the one that changes your life, by just doing something that you always felt you should. So just go ahead, and talk to yourself.

He looks so good, she is so cool, he has such a nice group of friends, he just keeps traveling around the globe, she is always partying, she is a model.

He is rich, has a villa, has a loving girlfriend, his life is sorted.

She cleared her finals, she has a nice job, a loving fiance, her life is sorted.

We all stalk people through social media and assume that is their life. That is how they live and that they have everything they post photos of. We see their constant happy uploads making us jealous and want to hate our lives.

What we fail to understand is that social media is just a fraction of what the life of people really is. A lot happens in the 24-hour day, and it cannot be said over a 10-second long video. People pull their cameras out only in the happy moments thinking about capturing it forever and look away from regrets and sorrow thinking they will actually forget it.

But is it really how it works? Do you really capture a baby’s first step in your camera, or in your mind and smiles that you will remember forever? Or do you pull out your camera when you learn to swim? Or do you learn and then pedal away into the oblivion not thinking about what is going to happen next.

Are happy moments actually captured in a video or are they captured in the memories forever? Do you see through a lens and then see it everytime you wish to? Or do you remember and relive a moment that will never come again?

The grass always seems to be greener on social media and in the chase of the greener grass, we forget to sow the real seeds in our lawn.

We get one life, so let’s spend 15 hours a day on social media trying to get accepted by strangers we don’t even care about, or maybe, just maybe, not.

You are skinny, you are fat, you are tall, you are short, you are ugly, you don’t dress well, you have slender fingers or you have fat toes.

Whatever it is you are hiding, whatever is your deepest secret, stop fearing it and start celebrating who you are, because you are… Perfect.

All the norms, all the welcomes, all the good and all the bad are just scripted by the people who are afraid that the world won’t accept them for they are not as good as you are, for they are afraid that they are not perfect.

We have been chasing these “goods” and trying to be “good enough” and get “accepted”. All of us, have lost ourselves trying to be good enough and getting accepted by the people we don’t belong to. We have been trying to chase the dreams that are not ours, but the ones people told us to dream. Do you even remember who you were before the society told you who you are?

Were you an engineer? Or are you one now? Were you going to be a pilot and soar the sky, or be an astronaut and escape the earth? Do you still wish to leave the planet? Or are you happy making transaction entries? Who are you? And what were you? What were you going to be?

We have chased things we don’t want and we only seem to regret not getting them, instead of regretting the idea of chasing it, because you never wanted it. So whoever you are now, whatever you have and whatever you don’t have, don’t let people tell you who you are.

Don’t regret losing a battle, don’t whimper upon a defeat, because you are not meant to be someone, you are meant to be perfect, you are meant to be… you.