You did something amazing and people love the idea of what you have done and you are being highly appreciated. You think people would love to read about it, people will love to watch it, people will love to talk to you about it, get to know you better and then you prepare things that could get you there.
And people are excited about what you are doing, it seems like there has been nothing like this before, everyone is in love with the thought of it, but then something happens at the very last moment.
Everything you have done, everything you built so far, all goes waste, only because of something you thought would never happen.
You had a sense that something could go terribly wrong, and you had confirmed that what went wrong, would actually never happen but it still went wrong. And you are not at fault, the people are not at fault because they still love you! The problem was with the guy who said he would sort out everything for you and still under his watch, everything went wrong in his side.
He took the money from you, he charged you well in advance, and right now he hardly cares what really happens with you and your audience. He just went home and is now relaxing or rather trying to get someone else like you for his next bait.
At times, you might fall into the same or a similar situation, and I know for a fact how frustrating it could be for you. But instead of getting upset, and instead of getting frustrated, you know better than me that it is not the time to give up or mourn over it. It is time to come up with something new. Something that could change what happened and break all your old records and give your audience what they want.
I stood outside the door just to see her face for one last time before I leave the city. It had been a few years since I last met her. The last time I remember seeing her, was when she kissed me goodbye, before leaving.
She never returned. She never came back. I saw her running downstairs and that was it, we were done, just like that. Years of relationship, thousands of promises, millions of memories over, with a snap. She didn’t even look back at me once, just ran downstairs.
I knocked again and looked at my shoes, they had a little dirt on them. I lifted my pants up and rubbed the shoes against the socks until they were shining. The last time I remember, we were happy, I kept busy but we were happy. We were in the tightest embrace ever, when she broke down and said she can’t be with me anymore. It came out of nowhere. She just said it.
I guess she isn’t home. But she always is at this time. And there’s a Manchester United match today, she wouldn’t miss it for the world. Recline on her couch, have a bowl of chocolate ice cream and some Doritos by her side while she watches through it. I never understood how and where she got Doritos, they weren’t very common around.
I guess people change preferences, she might not be in love with football anymore. She got over it, maybe? Just like she got over me. I just stood there, in hopes, she would come home soon or open up.
I didn’t expect him to come, but I wished he would come to say goodbye. I wish he had knocked a few years earlier when I just waited for him to come and get me.
It was hard for me too when we broke up, I just wanted to be with him, but I knew if I would look back, I won’t be able to control myself, so I just ran. I cried, I hope he did too. We promised “forevers” and we didn’t have any “nows”.
I got up from the couch and straightened myself up, I check myself in the mirror, I think I looked just fine or rather just he wouldn’t mind me looking shabby. He was no longer himself when I last met him. He was always too busy to even talk to me. He hugged me whenever I met him, but I never felt the warmth in them, it just felt like a duty he had to fulfill.
I kept down the bag of Doritos and the ice cream bowl that I was still holding in front of the mirror, and turned down the volume of the TV set. He came at the same time he always did, he knew I would be home? Or just guessed it? I guess he still follows football after years of me forcing him into it and knew it would watch it?
I was about to unlock the door, but I didn’t. I’ve seen him walk away once, not again. I wish I could get over him, just like he got over me. I just wish he would knock again, or rather just barge in, I’m waiting.
I have stayed away from you,
Just in hopes to get closer,
I have loved and pampered you,
You were my picture and the poser,
But, you blocked me out and walked away,
I just wanted a “closure”.
You walked out never to turn back,
But you kissed me on your way out,
I tried to talk to you,
But you were just shutout,
I thought you would come back,
We would last, I had no doubt.
For the first time, I was wrong about us,
But, well, there was no longer an ‘us”
I shouted, I grunted,
I cried and I cursed,
And then we did meet, and all you said,
“Why are you creating a fuss?”
The distances were to make us strong,
The distances you said were ours,
We made them, to fight the world,
And we would fight even the stars,
You said we controlled them,
But I just waited for them to end for hours.
I texted you and wanted to talk to you,
All you said, well nothing,
You never replied, you never did,
Instead kept cutting,
You told me to not text you,
Unless you do something.
It was hard on me,
It was hard on you,
And trust me,
And I want you back, and I am stronger now,
I’d battle anything now for you.
While people are reading 15 books in January and 12 books in February, I’m still at book number one in this year. I’m a slow reader, I don’t like to binge through the chapters but read slowly and gradually, falling in love with each character and guessing what could happen next.
I just sat on the dinner table and was seeing what has been made when everyone started eating. There were some rice and some dal. I mixed the dal with the rice and by the time I looked up, my family was half done with their plates and by the time I started eating my dad got up from the table and washed his hands. I’m slow, I like to eat slowly and enjoy the meal, what’s wrong with that?
Me and my friend started studying at the same time, by the time I was done with chapter one, he had already started chapter five. I’m slow at understanding concepts while he learns them quickly, so what? I eventually ended up scoring more than him. Even if I hadn’t, how does it matter if I’m slow and I like to learn things slowly and understand everything in detail?
I’m slow at everything, so what? I might get my success late. I might get my promotion late. As long as I’m delivering quality, and I know I’m doing it with all my heart, I will get everything eventually, now won’t I?
I know, the world likes the quick and the efficient. I’m not quick, but I’m efficient and I deliver quality. Speed hardly matters when people pay for quality and not quantity.
Take your time, walk slow, think about what you are going to do next, do it with all your heart. Things might come late, but they will come in.
For someone, it might be an overnight thing and for others, it takes a lifetime to get close to becoming famous.
There are no rights or wrong when it comes to making an impact. It could happen overnight and it might take a few years to make a dent. There is no hard and fast rule about it, and sometimes not having rules, is the best thing.
And even though there is no mantra about it, it always boils down to the amount of time and effort you are ready to put in. Some put in no effort and get what they want, while many don’t make it that far without effort. And though you make a dent without any effort, it takes effort to push further up and maintaining the dent of the resilient world.
There are going to be many opportunities to grab and many to dodge. You need to take that one opportunity and grind it until you have made the most of it. And then brag about how you did something no one else could.
It might show up today, tomorrow, a week later or might be a few years down. The objective is to never give up on the dreams and keep on grinding. It might be too frustrating to keep doing something without getting anything back, and at some point, it might get the better of you, but that is the test, to never give up.
The image we see on the internet, of a man digging for gold and stop digging a few inches away? Well, that’s all of us right now.
Keep digging, keep pushing, you’ll hit the GOLD.
Some days you think you should have gone to bed a lot sooner, but the long day just takes a toll on your mind and soul.
You are tired, you need sleep, but you know there’s a lot more to do through the day, even though your day has already been too long. I had such a day today, and I was seriously going to drop dead on my bed when the blog brought me out of my bed and made me write this.
So I’m writing this while being half a sleep so bear with me.
On other news, my book is hitting the best sellers list on Amazon. Hard.
The old you, the ‘you’ a few months or might be a few years ago.
The ‘you’ when you went out in the open, or probably just stayed home all the time. When there was no pressure on you, when there was no responsibility to shoulder, when there was nothing to worry about, when you were not broken. When you made memories with people and fell in love with them. When they were the old ‘them’.
And then some things changed, you got separated from them and it has been a very long time that you haven’t met them. It has been a very long time that you haven’t been in touch, you haven’t talked to them, you haven’t seen their face.
It has been month and years since then and you were not able to replace them with someone else. You weren’t able to find someone who can fill up their spot. And you are just in love with your old friend, your old partner.
Have you ever realised why you couldn’t find someone like them? Because you aren’t the same too. And probably you even found someone who was like them a few years back, and now too is just like them, the “new them”. And because you haven’t seen the new you don’t realize it’s the same.
Eventually, you might meet your old friend, your old lover, with a new soul and this time you might not fall in love with them. They have changed, just like you.
Sometimes, the memories of a person are better than the person. And sometimes, the person, might kill the memories for you, they might just ruin them for you. For sometimes, the person isn’t holding you back, it is the memories.
And sometimes, more than the person, you are in love with the memories.
You know something all writers fear? Blank screens.
Looking at a white screen for hours and not making a single black dot on it. Or looking at the white paper and not making a single scratch on it. What haunts writers the most, are writer blocks or running out of ideas to write on.
Staring at the screens endlessly, waiting for them to fill themselves up somehow, magically. Waiting for magic to happen and your fingers start doing something again. Then finally, giving up and surfing the internet and watching cat videos.
Or scrolling through the Instagram posts to find some motivation and then end up watching cat videos again. Giving up on that too and going down for a walk, thinking you need some “fresh air”. You walk around lost in your own thought. Wandering on the streets and forgetting who and what you are and just sauntering until you are lost, in your thoughts and on the streets.
But finally you know what you are going to write next, and that is it, you have cracked it. So you start walking back home. Home? Where is it? Where are you?
You panic, look around, ask people where you are and then finally opening the maps only to realise you are way to far and end up taking a cab back home. But in all of this, you forget what you were thinking about, what you were going to write about.
You did not have a pen to note it down and you were dumb enough to not note it on your cellphone.
Now you are at home, the screen is still blank and you are on your chair, still staring at it.
Give yourself a pat on the back. You have successfully updated a blank screen to a blank screen.
I wish I could see you right now, hold your hand and look into your eyes. Hug you, kiss you and cuddle with you, and might be, get to live the days, that I’ve spent waiting for you. I want you to come back, and we will go to the worlds, we wished to visit.
An Excerpt from
The Perfect Couple
She was sitting on the bed with a closed pizza box on her lap, staring into space. The television set played one of our all-time favorite movies.
“God! It took you an eternity to get out of there!” she said lowering the volume of the TV set to a bear audible. I wiped my feet dry and tucked my towel in my wardrobe.
“Pizza,” she said tapping the box when I turned around to look at her. She opened the box and there was an entire pizza. She hadn’t taken a single bite. I slowly pushed the box off her lap and rested my head on it. I didn’t face her but her toes.
“Are you okay?” she asked and I nodded. The standard one and a half-nod saying leave me alone but please stay. I held her by her waist and tightened around her.
“Okay,” she said and started caressing my hair.
Not that she didn’t know something was wrong, but that I wasn’t going to say a word. She knew the more she pushed for it, the angrier I’d get. For this was not the first time and wasn’t going to be the last either. She had seen this side of me earlier, and, well, that was the first time that she saw me at my worst. We don’t talk about it. For both of us know it isn’t to be brought up. I tossed and turned a million times, but she just kept stroking my hair.
I got up, looked into her eyes, and then rested on the pillow beside her. I pulled her close, she didn’t resist, instead rested her head on my chest. I saw her fall asleep and wished to see her till the end of time.
“I love you,” I whispered and kissed her forehead.
“I love you too,” she said, her eyes still closed and kissed my neck. She snuggled up to me and we hugged to sleep.
“These silences between us, were where we talked,
These moments were where ‘we’ met.”
“Then why did she leave you?” She asked.
“Some people leave, just because they want to” I sighed.
We could be sitting here, right here, in the balcony under the wide open sky, gazing at the stars. Or rather you could gaze at the stars while I look into your eyes. I could be quite, none of us say a word, but I know, it would still be magical.
We could be piggyback riding back into the living room and walking into the kitchen. I reheat the pizza while you still cling onto my back. It could be quite, the pizzas might turn cold again and you might end up on my back again for another piggyback ride, but I know, it would still be magical.
And then, when the clock says it’s midnight, we could watch the one movie you always wanted to watch but never did because you were terrified of watching it alone, and I never watched it because you wanted to watch it with me. We might just end up in arms and miss the entire moving looking at each other, but I know, it would still be magical.
And after the movie that we never saw is over, we can head down on the roads and have a walk while the cold breeze plays with your hair, and I have my hand in the pockets of my jacket, which you are wearing. It’s cold, or it’s my jacket and I own the pockets, or it’s just an excuse to have my hands around your waist, we could fight over it, but I know, it would still be magical.
And then I battle your midnight chocolate cravings, pick you up and put you on the bike, and we cruise through city roads with you holding me tightly with your shivering hands. We go miles to find the one shop that would serve you ice-cream at that hour, it is cold you can complain, but I know it could still be magical.
And then we get back home, I could tuck you in the bed and get to work and write my daily post about “you”. And I know you will not sleep and just look at me through a gap under the blanket and you think I will not notice. And you won’t sleep until I don’t come and wrap you in my arms and kiss you goodnight, but I know, it would still be magical.
It could be just you and just me, and I know, it would be magical.