I don’t know what was with him? A sad face always welcomed me with a warm smile, but it felt so plastic, that I could hardly connect.
He was just always lost in his own, staring at the skies, at the waters, and the railroads. Like he wanted to go somewhere, but something was stopping him. Something was chaining him down to his room, and it was heavy to break free, so much so that he never left his room.
He was the only rotten flower in the field of blossoms, like the cloud in the sky full of stars, like the only dark spot under the bed in a room full of lights, a cold breeze slipping under the warm scarf.
He never was the glow of the room, always the dark corner. I don’t know what kept him so sad, and so tied up, when he can just walk out and get what he wants.
I guess it was not the dream he was afraid of, but himself. I guess it was not the confidence he lacked in his dreams, but the faith that he lacked in himself.
I guess it was not the sky after all, but the plane, and not the railroads but the trains, and not the waters but the ships.
I guess it was not the weight tying him down, but himself.
I was at first shocked to see her, it was the same girl from the jewelry store, but she doesn’t seem to recognize me. I don’t know if she even noticed me when I was standing there, right beside her. She had a different spark in her eyes, like a sort of immersion into something.
It was only her and that ring in the display that existed. The way she looked at her, while the jeweler picked it up from the display, it almost felt like she had lost a part of her. The way she looked at it with saddened eyes was amazing and at the same time weird.
I don’t how she never realized it is me. I was right there, standing beside her, while she stared at that ring kept on the display through the glass. but she never seemed to have noticed me. It was as if I was not even there for her.
It surprises me to see someone, looking at something with so much love and still not getting it even though they can. I know she can. Her apparel seems to be more expensive than a simple silver ring kept in the display, but she just kept looking at her.
Like someone looking at their beloved leaving at the airport and they cannot do anything about it. It was as if her heart sank when she saw the ring go. It was just an ordinary ring. A simple plain silver ring that every single shop in the market has. It was nothing special, nothing too crazy about it.
I want to talk to her, just to know what’s on her mind, but she looks right through me like I am not even here.
Have you ever been so caught up in things around you that you don’t even have time for your own self? You are just sitting in the spot every day, thinking today would be different. Today you would have some time for yourself and you’ll make the change that you wanted from a very long time.
But as the day proceeds you are just sitting there, being all tied up in your everyday grinding. You don’t have time for what you thought you would do today, but today, you don’t have time for something you do every other day. Suppose you take a five-minute tea break every day but today you can’t do that either.
Your personal activities are being cut down one by one and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?
Well, that is something that happened to me over the past week. A lot has changed in a week and I actually don’t have the time to write an article out.
And that’s why I’ve been off, again. I know that is bad but trust me there is hardly anything I can do about it. I’ve been caught up into something. Well, a lot of things. A lot has happened in the past week and I will update it don’t worry but right now, I’m just tied up.
One day, I’ll pack up my bags and be gone. When you come to see me in my room, I would not be there. My stuff would not be there, my signs of existence would not be there, I would not be there.
I would be gone, gone far beyond the places where you could reach, far beyond your reach so that you could not find me. The number of times I have seen the airport and the railways I should have been gone by now. But, the idea of seeing you one more time before I leave holds me back. I should be gone, but the idea of never seeing you again holds me back.
I do stay, but only to see you once again. Then, I ask you to come along and you only laugh at how stupid it would be to leave everything behind, and then you laugh, again, and I want to go and leave you back, again.
I would be gone someday, someday really soon, but I still think that one day you’ll see what I actually plan for us. But if you cannot be with me, when I make our castle, I would rather not have you in the castle. I would tell my guards to never let you even look at the marvel.
I can do so much more, but not in this place, where I am suffocating and I cannot do anything without telling everyone what I plan to do. I can do so much more if I’m not constantly under surveillance where you come and check if I’m even productive or not. I can do so much more, if I am not here.
One day, I’ll be gone. Backpacking all over the world, or just staying somewhere, where it feels like home. One day, I’ll be gone, when I’ll be done. One day, I’ll be gone. Never to return, never to be seen.
I’ve always managed to get to the point where I can no longer choose. I can but it is a choice only in my mind not actually a choice.
And then it always boils down to, you are too tired just sleep, anything you are going to do right now will not be good; and to the thought that, hey! you can do this, have another cup of coffee and start right now, we still have this.
Then I think about yesterday, how I managed to pull things off with a cup of coffee, and then about the headache that I have because of the little sleep I had last night.
Then about tomorrow morning, when I have to wake up early and should I actually risk my sleep and walk in drowsy tomorrow, or just sleep, push the deadline a few hours ahead and walk in with confidence tomorrow.
I’ve slept one night’s sleep spread over a week and I’ve had days where I missed on a complete date on the calendar because I was sleeping.
And right now, it’s one same situation, and I believe I’m going to sleep right now. I have work to do because I told someone I’ll try my best to do it by today.
But then again, I said try, and the deadline is not until the day after.
I want to be a singer, and I want to dance while I sing. I want to live life like a King being at the top, and I want to start without anything, right from the bottom.
I want to write about myself, and I want to write about you, I want to write about the people I meet, and I want to write about the people who I might never meet. I want to feel every emotion a story shares, I want to be heartless when I write my own.
I want to know the story behind everyone, I want to know the story no one shares. I want to write stories that have already spoken out, I want to write stories that are confined to the hearts. I want to write stories that will change lives on the face of the earth, I want to write stories that just entertain people.
I want to explore the world and the worlds of the universe, I want to sit at home and make it my own universe.
I want to be a wolf, I want to be a cat, I want to be a tiger, I want to be a rat.
I want to be on a hill, I want to relax by the beach, I want to dig the soil, and go where even I can’t reach.
I want to be discovered, renowned and be famous, I want to nameless, unknown, anonymous. I want to sign autographs whenever I set my foot out, I want to just relax, put in my earphones and look at the sun go down.
I want to be me, I want to be you, I want to be him, I want to be that. I want to be everything at once.
Mark a milestone and chase for it. While some don’t work with milestones, many have milestones set even for the most minuscule of our targets.
Reading a book, writing an article, watching a TV series and even buying grocery and many small things like these are milestones. Needless to mention business ventures, starting up a firm, writing a novel, completing a degree, learning a language and many more.
All these milestones that we set for ourselves are things we want to do, in a certain time period and we mark dates on them. To keep ourselves motivated we make these milestones.
With each target you make through, you feel more energetic and happy that you are now another step closer to what you want. Slowly you make through another milestone and then another and another.
And when it is finally done, you are happy and overjoyed and that is the best feeling ever. Especially, if it was a tough thing to do then your happiness sees no bounds, but what after that?
What do you do after you are done with it? You have got what you wanted, what seemed to be the purpose of your life from many many months, now that you have it, what next? While your whole life roamed around a thing for a few months and sometimes even years and decades, and it took up a major portion of your life. Now that you have it, what it next?
When it is all over? When there is nothing left?
Why are all of us always uptight? Wearing crisp clean shirts, full pants or knee-length skirts with high heel shoes.
Why are we always trying to look presentable, what is wrong with being who you really are? What is up with sounding professional more than sounding like a friend.
Why do we run from situations that look a little adverse? Why can’t we just stay and tell the people around us that we are battling with something and we would prefer our privacy instead of saying that you are fine? Or why not just tell them exactly what you are feeling right now?
Why do we run away from conversation but never run away from fights? We would quarrel and yell at the one in front of us, but we would never sit calmly and talk our problems through?
Why do we react when it is already a bit too late to be reacting? Why do we react when it is actually time to let go? Why?
Can’t we just stay put, put our guards down and be more open, instead of trying to maintain the high we created for our own selves?
You have been tensed about something from a very long time and right now you cannot think of anything else.
You are just waiting for something to go through and you are already thinking about what you are going to do after that. What if the thing you are waiting for does not get through as planned? What if your expectations are not met?
What if the plan that you thought through and rethinking about, changes aspects over the next few days while you wait for everything else to get along?
This could be the time that you wanted, or rather the timeout that you wanted from work but you are wasting it on overthinking. Just calm down and relax until everything aligns.
If it is in your control, go ahead and just do it, if not, what’s the point of making detailed plans? It is time to take a day off.
Can you love twice?
Let’s take something that is the story of the day. Everyone has the same story, falling and falling out of relationships all year long, falling in and out of love.
You were in love with someone long long ago, and you were together for years before you fell out of that relationship. It was immature, you both were open to each other and did what you wanted to do. It was childish but it was fun while it lasted. You had no pretenses and there were no social media likes on your relationships, but people talked about your relationship. Both of you boosted the other. Your love made people jealous.
You loved them with all you have in you, and they loved you with all they have in them, but you had different ways of love and that made you split. A few months after you just fell out of a relationship with them, you got in another relationship.
You loved your new relationship. It offered a lot more, it was mature and an understanding relationship, where both of you cared for each other, or just that the other one showed they cared and you never understood the pretenses, you expected it to unconditional like the one before. You were in love, again? Your life started revolving around that new someone and you forgot about all your dreams. You stopped chasing everything and just chased that new someone.
And when the spark of the new relationship died out for them, they fell out while you were still discovering. You were still loving the spark while it had died out for them months ago.
So, did you actually fall in love again? No, you didn’t. You were just loving the high. Did you actually fall in love the first time? Maybe, no one knows except you.
It happens to the best of us. But at the end, it all boils down to whether your tried or not. Whether you went on and fought for your love, or you just sat there waiting, until it was too late. When you realize, what love actually was, is or will be for you, and if you think you have found the one then fight for it, before it is too late and you see it slipping again. Slipping away into them thinking they have found “true love” in worldly attraction.
Love might not be easy to define, you might not have reasons to love, but it is easy to identify.
Love doesn’t scar, it heals. Love doesn’t ask, it gives. Love is not one-sided, it is shared. Love doesn’t run, it waits. Love doesn’t expire with months, spark does. Love doesn’t age, relationships do. Love doesn’t have reasons, deals do. Love is not jealous or possessive, bonds are. And love doesn’t lose, lusts and attractions do.
Love wins, always.