It might be time to settle things with your past. I’m not sure how or what you’re supposed to do and how do you go about it, I just know it has been too long that you have been back and forth, I think it is time to settle it down.
It is time to let go and begin a new. It is time to let yourself relax and be at peace with the constant battles you’ve been having from the past few days or years.
The emotional outbursts, driving each other away, ignoring their presence, and everything else needs to stop.
It is time you make peace with the foes you never wanted to make, it is time to make peace with the friends you always wanted.
We meet a lot of people in life. Some by chance, some by fate, and some you meet but you don’t interact with them. You just saw them passing by, or doing something around you. You still met them, from the corner of your eye, or you were just supposed to see them, because something is going to happen next.
You’ve met them and you didn’t even notice them but they did and then they somehow turn up, bringing a very twisted turn in your life.
They just look at you all weirdly when you don’t recognize them. They just stare at you like it is a crime that you don’t recognize them, and they hold a grudge on you for that.
You try to remember what set them off so bad only to realize that you can’t remember anything. You’ve just “met” them, there is nothing you can do about it. It sounds like a prejudice towards you.
And sometimes they, they give you a hint or sometimes you have a hint that you’ve seen them before, but you don’t know when and where and you cannot think of a reason why you set off somebody so badly.
You’ve seen them before, but not sure when and where.
At times, all of us have been just to logy about the things we need to do. We delay it to the next day, and then to the next, and then to the day after it.
We have been logy about the our responsibilities and just keep on procrastinating them. We blame it on a long day to make us sluggish. We blame it on everything else but on ourselves.
Like I have been with this blog. Ending it here, on the 100 word mark. I’m not logy, I am just tired from the long day.
I had my submissions, exams and traveled for about 2 hours, okay? Better blog tomorrow.
No I’m not Logy!
What are you living for if there is nothing to fight?
What is life if not a constant challenge? Giving you something to try one after the other. Something gets fixed and something else turns up and you are constantly trying to cope up with the things around you.
What would be life if you had nothing to do? Watching a new TV series, reading a new book, lingering around, talking to someone over the phone, texting someone, going to meet someone, going out with your friends are challenges as well. I’m talking about a spot where life gives you nothing to do?
If you don’t consider these as challenges, then try doing it daily for a month, you will get bored with that too. You need the challenge to stick to something.
Do you just stay on your bed? Maybe that is a challenge too. So, maybe do nothing, like absolutely nothing? You don’t even move.
What is life is not these challenges that we face daily? Ever completed all your work before the deadline with an aching back and a throbbing head and then reclined on the chair, before you fall into the arms of your bed? No?
Then maybe you don’t know the pleasure of challenges and the love of having them.
You have a dream to follow and no one except you is ready to follow it. You are on your own run and everyone around you is stopping you from running the mile.
Your parents don’t want you to follow that and instead want you to follow a safer choice, your partner doesn’t want you to follow it and stay safe at home with them, your siblings say that it is a bad idea, but you are adamant about your dream.
You need to leave the city, you need to leave your people behind, you need to leave your city behind and everything else that you know and you need to fly away from everything.
You are on the railway station and the train halts right in front of you, the train to your dreams is here and all you have to do is get up from that bench, wake yourself up and walk to the train and it will take you to the world of your dreams.
But right before you leave, your life flashes in front of you, your parents that don’t want you to go, your partner, your siblings and everyone else that you are going to leave behind. You are stuck in your feet and you cannot move a single inch.
All you need to do right at that moment is build up the courage and make your feet obey you and lift them one by one and walk into the train. But instead, you are just standing there.
You listen to a loud hiss, a wave of murmuring sounds and rushing, and then you hear everything fade away until there’s silence. Everything in front of you is fading away. The train has started moving and is gaining speed every second.
You can see your dreams go, but you cannot move your legs.
What are you going to regret? The chance that you never took, and thinking about the “what if”s for the rest of your life? Or taking that chance and never seeing your loved once again, or failing at it and realizing how wrong you were all along?
What are you going to regret? Following a path that people made for you? Or the misery you’ll inflict on everyone when you follow your path?
You’ve loved someone with all your heart, and you are ready to give up everything for them, and it is not just your thought, your actions show the same thing as well.
They take the first step and call you when they need you the most, like always, because you are the only one who would hear them out, always, like an idiot. Forgetting everything from the past, you just go to help them out. You think this will mark a new start but the old them returns and you don’t exist anymore after that day.
You call them, and you ask a favor, not even a favor, but say you just ask for a phone number that they already have. They say they will try, and then weeks and months pass by but you never hear from them ever again. You call again but to the same result. And then you call again, and this time even before you can tell them anything, they just disconnect saying they are busy.
Everyone told you it’s not worth your time, everyone told you that you are better off without them, but you just thought you could rekindle a lost friendship if nothing else.
You have grown over the years, you have developed over the months and you have so much more than you ever had when you growth was being staggered when you were around them. You are making progress in your career, at your personal front and you are hitting your goals. But recently, you’ve started staggering again.
The good old, use and throw, or just play around with the prey starts hitting your mind again. It may not be the case, this time around, you might be just overacting. This time around the problem might actually be real, and they tried even. And maybe it’s all in your head, or maybe defending them is all in your head.
The past always kicks in. Fool me once, fool me twice, not thrice? Or are you making a fool out of yourself this time?
What do you do, when you thought your life is running on a highway and there was an opportunity to put the 6th gear, but your 6th gear was your reverse? And what do you do when the past hits you again?
Well, maybe just sit down and let it flow? Or maybe, push it again until you break again? Or maybe you are just an overreacting kid, not giving enough room to people to be human? Or maybe that kid died years ago and it’s the mind that speaks the truth? Or maybe it is time to let go.
I don’t know what was with him? A sad face always welcomed me with a warm smile, but it felt so plastic, that I could hardly connect.
He was just always lost in his own, staring at the skies, at the waters, and the railroads. Like he wanted to go somewhere, but something was stopping him. Something was chaining him down to his room, and it was heavy to break free, so much so that he never left his room.
He was the only rotten flower in the field of blossoms, like the cloud in the sky full of stars, like the only dark spot under the bed in a room full of lights, a cold breeze slipping under the warm scarf.
He never was the glow of the room, always the dark corner. I don’t know what kept him so sad, and so tied up, when he can just walk out and get what he wants.
I guess it was not the dream he was afraid of, but himself. I guess it was not the confidence he lacked in his dreams, but the faith that he lacked in himself.
I guess it was not the sky after all, but the plane, and not the railroads but the trains, and not the waters but the ships.
I guess it was not the weight tying him down, but himself.
I was at first shocked to see her, it was the same girl from the jewelry store, but she doesn’t seem to recognize me. I don’t know if she even noticed me when I was standing there, right beside her. She had a different spark in her eyes, like a sort of immersion into something.
It was only her and that ring in the display that existed. The way she looked at her, while the jeweler picked it up from the display, it almost felt like she had lost a part of her. The way she looked at it with saddened eyes was amazing and at the same time weird.
I don’t how she never realized it is me. I was right there, standing beside her, while she stared at that ring kept on the display through the glass. but she never seemed to have noticed me. It was as if I was not even there for her.
It surprises me to see someone, looking at something with so much love and still not getting it even though they can. I know she can. Her apparel seems to be more expensive than a simple silver ring kept in the display, but she just kept looking at her.
Like someone looking at their beloved leaving at the airport and they cannot do anything about it. It was as if her heart sank when she saw the ring go. It was just an ordinary ring. A simple plain silver ring that every single shop in the market has. It was nothing special, nothing too crazy about it.
I want to talk to her, just to know what’s on her mind, but she looks right through me like I am not even here.
Have you ever been so caught up in things around you that you don’t even have time for your own self? You are just sitting in the spot every day, thinking today would be different. Today you would have some time for yourself and you’ll make the change that you wanted from a very long time.
But as the day proceeds you are just sitting there, being all tied up in your everyday grinding. You don’t have time for what you thought you would do today, but today, you don’t have time for something you do every other day. Suppose you take a five-minute tea break every day but today you can’t do that either.
Your personal activities are being cut down one by one and there’s absolutely nothing you can do about it?
Well, that is something that happened to me over the past week. A lot has changed in a week and I actually don’t have the time to write an article out.
And that’s why I’ve been off, again. I know that is bad but trust me there is hardly anything I can do about it. I’ve been caught up into something. Well, a lot of things. A lot has happened in the past week and I will update it don’t worry but right now, I’m just tied up.
One day, I’ll pack up my bags and be gone. When you come to see me in my room, I would not be there. My stuff would not be there, my signs of existence would not be there, I would not be there.
I would be gone, gone far beyond the places where you could reach, far beyond your reach so that you could not find me. The number of times I have seen the airport and the railways I should have been gone by now. But, the idea of seeing you one more time before I leave holds me back. I should be gone, but the idea of never seeing you again holds me back.
I do stay, but only to see you once again. Then, I ask you to come along and you only laugh at how stupid it would be to leave everything behind, and then you laugh, again, and I want to go and leave you back, again.
I would be gone someday, someday really soon, but I still think that one day you’ll see what I actually plan for us. But if you cannot be with me, when I make our castle, I would rather not have you in the castle. I would tell my guards to never let you even look at the marvel.
I can do so much more, but not in this place, where I am suffocating and I cannot do anything without telling everyone what I plan to do. I can do so much more if I’m not constantly under surveillance where you come and check if I’m even productive or not. I can do so much more, if I am not here.
One day, I’ll be gone. Backpacking all over the world, or just staying somewhere, where it feels like home. One day, I’ll be gone, when I’ll be done. One day, I’ll be gone. Never to return, never to be seen.