I did something wrong, something really really wrong. Something I never wanted to do, but then you have your breaking points, right? You can only stand it until a point, especially when you know you are not wrong.
But that doesn’t make what I did any correct, this is just an excuse, and now I might have to live with the stain forever. When everything was about to get right, when I expected life to take a full U-turn in the next few months, I messed up.
I had my priorities, I had my rules, I had my lines, and I broke them all to be something I used as a swear word. I became one of those that I hated, and because of them. But now, I’m one of them, and what’s the difference between them and me? Am I not what people hate? Were they not created by the like of them, just like me?
Now that I thought about its consequences, I think I might have gone too far, I think I might have done something I never wanted to do.
I don’t see a way out either, the only thing that I think I can do is apologize, and stop what I did immediately. Does that make sense?
Will the world forgive me for who I am? Will I forgive myself? Well maybe, well maybe not.
The only thing I know right now is that I need to stop.
It is not just a beverage, it is not just a something you need to get out of your sleep, it is not just another cup of milk or water with some chemical, it is an agent of souls.
Wherever you go, you’ll find different coffees. Someone likes it strong, someone likes it mild and someone is all about the aroma. But whatever coffee you have, there is always something special about it. Something special about the coffee, something special about the one making it and something special about the moment.
Coffees are not made without a reason, it is always an occasion if it isn’t the coffee makes it one. It is all in the moment.
The aroma, the taste, always takes you back in time. Takes you to the times when you had that coffee. It could be a trip up to the highest motorable road, where you had a cup by the road, with your biking gang. It could be a familiar taste in a different country, a taste that reminds you of home.
If could be a different aroma, something that doesn’t smell like coffee. But it could be the same cup, the same settings, and the same aroma you smelled, when you were here the last time, looking into her eyes. It could the last sip and it reminds of your hostel, where you ran out of milk and everyone got just one sip and worked the entire night.
A lot happens over coffee. People come together, people split apart, companies are formed, companies are taken over, deals are cracked, startups get investments, someone is missed and someone feels loved. It is not coffee, it is an agent of souls.
I haven’t seen you in a very long time, but I might just see you again really soon. There wasn’t much to write about, to be honest. I have written a lot lately, but there wasn’t much to write.
Nothing happened over the past few weeks, month, or years was it? I don’t even remember when I last saw you. I just know that I haven’t seen you in a while.
I wrote down a lot when you were away. Sometimes for me, sometimes for people around me, and sometimes for work, but there wasn’t anything to treasure. Something I would write today, and years later, look at it and smile.
There wasn’t anything worth troubling you. You are in your bed and stay there, in your deep slumber, because there still isn’t anything to write about, but I might write soon. I got this tingling feeling this afternoon that there is going to be some turn of events.
It was quiet for a very long time and nothing had gone wrong in the past few months and nothing great happened in the past few years. So, I believe it is time now, the silence before the storm needs to end. The storm is imminent, but there is still time, I can sense it but I cannot see it.
I will see you again, soon after the storm ends and if I survive it. I might see you again, soon, maybe.
Life is all about now. It is not a few hours or weeks ahead, it is not a few months or years ahead, it is now. It is in the moment.
Everything is now. There is nothing that is far ahead, there is no tomorrow. You can either battle now to get your dreams or you can just wait and see your time slip by.
We all know what we truly want. Something that we buried deep inside our hears, something we don’t tell anyone. Pen it down, understand what you really want and then run after it. Run until you don’t get it.
Listen to the calls of your heart and follow them because, in this world where everyone owes at least something to someone, the calls of your heart are the only thing that are truly yours. Something that belongs only to you.
Go, get out, live a life, you won’t regret it. When it comes to an end, the only thing that you are ever going to regret is not going after what you really wanted.
So don’t be a “normal”, be the story you always heard from people, be the story that you want to tell the world. Be you.
For the first time in months, I’ve felt like I have nothing to do. Have you ever felt that there’s no burden on you?
There’s nothing to read, nothing to work on in games, no new dramas, no new TV shows, no need to read newspapers, no books lying around on my bed. There is absolutely nothing that I need to do.
Out of habit, I still woke up at 8 in the morning, walked around the house searching for something to read. I did find the magazine issue I bought a few days back, but then I remembered that I don’t need it anymore. And in the afternoon I was on games again, but there was no pressure on me to win or perform, I was just playing.
In the evening, I logged out of the game account and then regretted having wasted the entire afternoon playing games. And then I looked at my left, where there’s usually a stack of books. It wasn’t there. Then I remembered, I dumped it this morning, I don’t need it anymore. I was free and logged into games again.
Have you ever felt, that there’s nothing for you to do? Everything you wanted to do or was on your to-do list has been crossed out?
Now there is only one thing to do, wait. Wait for the results, wait for something new to turn up, wait while you build yourself.
A lot of us at time feel alone, left out and not being worth someone who we would love to have around us. And in an attempt to get someone, we often tend to fall for desperate moves.
The problem is, that we think being around someone one of influence, or someone we look upto is the key to be better in life. Or maybe getting close to someone we admire or adore, might let us have that extra motivation we need to do a lot better.
This is turning out to be a problem for all of us. While social media is also doing its part in backing our inferiority complexions.
However, the truth is, that you don’t actually need people to be happy or to do better in life. And you definitely don’t need those people who are the reason why you can’t smile through the day.
Those who want to be with you will be with you always, those who don’t are never going to be no matter what. It might be hard to let go of some people, but clinging onto someone only kills your chances to be with someone else.
Someone who might be able to add more value to your life, that what your lost love would ever do.
When even the biggest celebrities on the face of this earth, go for a break, I may be someone who deserves a break too.
I’ve been typing out every single day for more than 3 months now. Everyday, back to back, one article adds up on this website. But now tomorrow.
I have something very important coming up on the day after, and I don’t want to take chances with it. Not blogging is certainly not going to help my chances there, but it might let me sleep early and keep myself calm, that for the entire day I was preparing for it.
So, no blog tomorrow, but on the day after, I’ll see you again, here.
War often sounds like an ancient term to us. Something that is long gone and used to happen decades ago and doesn’t happen anymore. It is the act of the past and the world is not at peace, there are no wars anymore.
But this might the truth we wish to believe or the media wants us to believe. Maybe the death toll of millions a year did fall down, maybe there is no actual bloodshed in the world anymore but there are still wars.
Silent wars between nations, silent wars between states, unspoken wars for water, wars for making your favorite team win, or lose, wars in your head about the future, wars between couples that pulled them apart. Acts of terror leading to wars like conditions, trade duties imposed between nations that disrupt the entire world, social media that actually brought the world closer now tearing it apart, securities for individuals that costed them families.
There are wars still going on. War is not a topic of history, even though for the past few years it has been, but it might not longer remain in textbooks but will soon end up in newspapers.
While the world seeks peace, there are agents of evil all over the world and if the administration of our society falls into the hands of these agents, we are doomed for good.
The world will be at war, once again.
Someone across the continent, a few countries away from you, someone you know very well and talk to every day, do you know how they are right now? Maybe, maybe not. But have you ever felt something tingling whenever something wrong happens to them?
Have you ever felt something really strange that makes you feel uneasy and you are not quite sure what it is about? You don’t know what it is that is making you feel so, or what is it that you are so worried about even though you cannot see anything to be worried about.
That strange feeling when you don’t know exactly what happened but you know something went terribly wrong. And a few hours later when everything calms down, you get a call from the person miles away from you, telling you what happened to them through the day and that’s when you realize what went wrong.
Or have you received a call from someone right before you are about to make an important decision or when you are in a problem? And they tell you over the phone that they were thinking about you and called you to check up on you. Then you tell them what is happening around you and they advice you against the decision you were going to make?
These are the connection. Real life connection that actually still work. Even with the boundless connectivity of the cellphone and the social media keeping us close and distracted, the oldest way of communicating still seems to work.
The only problem now is that it is not as common as cellphone and it couldn’t be bought in minutes, it takes years to develop a connection that rings across continents.
You don’t know what I’m going through, so don’t say that you understand and don’t pretend that you have been through something similar.
It is said that only a man with the same boots can understand why the other man is wearing them. Only a man who has been through pain understands what someone else is going through.
And when you lost your loved one to something very unfortunate, maybe you can sit with someone who lost their pet. When you break up with someone you loved with all your heart, maybe sit with someone whose family member went missing or someone who just got divorced. Maybe you can complement each other. You two might sit together and even though you cannot cheer up the other, you might be able to understand what it is like to be in their shoes.
You might not be able to tell someone what to do next, how can they get out of there, but just maybe be a listener and understand their condition. And sometimes, all someone needs is someone to understand their problem and realize what is going on in their heads with each passing second.
Sometimes, the way to get over some problem is not the solution, it is not the shoulder you cry on, but just sitting with someone who understands you.