I’ve been away for a while, well, quite a while. Away from everything, social media, web, my blog; people. I’ve been away, at home, sitting in this chair, staring at this white screen, enjoying my isolation, my solitude.
I’ve been away thinking. Thinking about all the things I never saw, thinking of the things I’ll never see. Thinking that I’ve been lucky to be here, thinking if I’ve been unlucky to be here. Thinking if all of this was meant to be the way it is, thinking if this is what I created up from the scratch.
I’ve been away wandering the woods, not the materialistic woods, the ones that we create around ourselves to hide from the unknown outside them, and get lost in the unknown within them. I’ve been wandering on foot, on wheels, and on wings, in virtual military bases, cities, beaches and seas.
I’ve been away rebuilding, myself, again from pieces. Trying to regain what I lost, weight, muscle, and broken bones? The heart, the memories, the people, the comrades that I’ve lost. It is like they are still here, I feel them, I see them, but the bridges across are broken.
It is hard to understand and put it apart from real, it is hard to believe that it is true. Ever since I’ve been away, I have heard people talking, about me, about my decisions and my choices. I’ve heard people appreciate at a distance, I’ve heard people disapprove at my face. I’ve heard people wanting to hear from me, I’ve heard people being glad that I’m gone.
I’ve been away choosing, to start all over. I’ve been away choosing to take this further. It’s now, or never. It was pushing to the limit or falling back and reclining on this unbalanced chair. Fear of running to fast into the oblivion or toppling off head first. It’s death, either way, then why shouldn’t I give it a shot? It’s now.
“You don’t get another chance, life is no Nintendo game.”
– Eminem (Love the Way You Lie, 2010)